Without you
by poppinapathy
Summary: Jounouchi has a crush on Yuugi, but he doesn't know what to do about it. Set in after the original ygo manga, but before the duelist manga started. wishshipping.


After every weird and deadly thing Jounouchi has been through these past few months and getting past them with his friends, he thought by now he'd have something as simple as sexuality figured out. He _thought_ he did, until it turns out he didn't at all. Being straight was fun, he even exchanged porn tapes with his two best buds (without Anzu knowing, of course), and that was fun too. He'd never given guys a thought, because girls were just _amazing_. Kind of super complicated, but overall they had really great bodies.

Lately, though, he'd been thinking about Yuugi in a...different way. Which was confusing, and angering for him, because he was so completely sure Yuugi also liked girls. It was obvious he was absolutely smitten with Anzu. So even if he did want to actually try doing anything even slightly romantic with Yuugi, he'd be rejected.

He was sure he wasn't gay though, because he definitely liked girls. He couldn't even imagine having sex with a guy, so he wasn't bisexual either. What did that mean then? He had no idea, and it puzzled him all the more. Was this considered weird? Weren't you supposed to fit in a category?

Jounouchi's stupid head continued to insist with this weird feeling, though, that made an appearance whenever Yuugi was doing almost anything around him. Whenever Yuugi was happy, it made him happy too. If Yuugi laughed, it made Jounouchi's heart flutter a little. He liked it when Yuugi laughed, when Yuugi spoke to him. They fist bumped or high fived after playing a match of whatever game Yuugi brought to school, which also made Jounouchi happy, even if he did end up losing horribly to him. Sometimes they would hug if they admitted something they were keeping to themselves in private. The hugs made Jounouchi happy too, but again, in a weird way. In a not-friend way. He was pretty sure normal friends didn't feel what he felt. He wanted it to stop, but whenever he thought about Yuugi more in the weird different way, the feeling came back stronger, brighter. Nothing was special or different about Yuugi's behavior, but Jounouchi just suddenly appreciated it a lot more than he did months ago. He _noticed_ a lot more than he did months ago.  
Death-T made them even closer than they were before, even if Anzu and Honda also being there. Actually, it made everyone closer to each other. They hung out a lot more, especially since Anzu hadn't looked for another job for a while after everything. But, even if Jounouchi and Yuugi were together a lot of the time already, it still was a little surprising how much they were always together now. Whenever Jounouchi wasn't working odd jobs, he spent his time at Yuugi's or eating at a crappy fast food restaurant somewhere with him. His place was out of the question for hanging out, he never wanted to invite Yuugi over there, it was too embarrassing. Jounouchi wouldn't even take him around the area very often, it was too run down and dirty and disgusting to him, it made his gut coil in shame, even if Yuugi didn't care about how poor or rich he was. Bad people knew him there anyways, there was no way he would ever let Yuugi meet them. He shuddered at the thought of those sleazy drug dealers and addicts meeting someone like him, someone who's probably never tried anything. He knew he'd eventually have to tell him why he'd never been invited to his apartment, but that could be saved for another day.

The bell rang for lunch. Jounouchi didn't notice at all, his thoughts were making everything else seem distant and quiet.

By now, Jounouchi would have sprung over to Yuugi's desk to start talking to him. He wasn't one for quietly sitting still, but when Yuugi looked over at Jounouchi, that's exactly what he was doing. Immediately it struck him as odd. He was hunched over, and his brows were furrowed. Jounouchi was tense, when his body language would be much more lax, and he was staring into space. He didn't speak much this morning, either, now that Yuugi was thinking about it. Barely at all this past week. Was there something wrong? Yuugi stood up and walked over to the other.

Jounouchi didn't immediately respond to Yuugi's presence.

"Jounouchi-kun?" Yuugi asked. Jounouchi immediately jumped; Why was he so jumpy?  
"Yo, Yuugi!" He said, standing abruptly, his chair making a loud scraping sound. His greeting seemed rushed, and he was quick to smile too. It just came off as nervous to Yuugi, not happy and excited like he thinks Jounouchi is trying to be. Jounouchi wasn't the type to just bottle up his feelings, unless he thought the issue was really serious.

"Where is everyone?" He said after looking around the room. Half of their class wasn't in the classroom, and the remaining students were spread out in the room quietly eating or talking to each other. Nobody was paying attention to them, and Anzu and Honda were getting something from the cafeteria.

"Lunch already started," Yuugi gave him a confused look. Jounouchi loved lunch time! It was the only time during school when they weren't trying to teach him something.

"What? Really? How long ago?"

"Not long. Um...Are you okay, Jounouchi-kun?" Yuugi hesitantly asked. Despite telling himself that he probably shouldn't try meddling, that Jounouchi would just tell him if there really was something wrong, he couldn't just leave it alone. What if he was in a situation where he was forced to keep quiet again? Maybe reaching out to him could help.

"Yeah, I'm fine, why do you ask?" Jounouchi wondered if he really did sound fine. Yuugi just looked even more concerned after hearing his answer, which made Jounouchi angry at himself. He felt bad for making Yuugi worry.

"You just seem off...It's been like that these past few days," He was frowning slightly. _Jounouchi has been acting weird for the last couple of weeks_ , Yuugi thought.

"I'm- I'm fine! There's nothing to worry about!" Jounouchi awkwardly slung an arm over him, in an attempt to seem playful. Acting fine is a lot harder to do when you're actually not fine. Jounouchi realized a little too late that making contact with Yuugi was one of the worst possible things he could do right now, because now he's suddenly so close to him and it's making his heart anxiously beat faster. He wanted to avoid eye contact with him, but he couldn't help but look at his face. He broke apart quickly afterwards, trying to make it seem as casual as possible.  
Lunch was not very eventful after that. Yuugi had tried to keep the conversation going a few times, and Jounouchi tried his best to answer him, but he just couldn't bring himself to. Jounouchi felt ashamed for thinking of Yuugi as more than a friend. So, it always ended with an awkward silence afterwards. Even when Yuugi offered to share his lunch, Jounouchi just declined it and said he wasn't very hungry.

Now that Yuugi knew that Jounouchi _definitely_ had something going on (because he's a terrible liar and he can't fake his emotions), all he needed to figure out was what. Yuugi didn't miss how quick Jounouchi was to break apart from his half hug when he would usually linger or maybe even whoop and high-five him. It made him wonder if he was the problem. He couldn't think of a reason why, and it scared him to think Jounouchi was mad at him. The last thing he would want is to make his best friend angry. But should he really ask? What if he wasn't the problem and he was being selfish for thinking of himself?

But after a week of the same incidents, Jounouchi not speaking to him at any time during school, but then talking to Honda when they were away from him. Jounouchi being very quiet during lunch and even during class (he passes notes to Yuugi usually) and finally, Jounouchi declining his offers to hang out after school, Yuugi could only conclude that he was definitely being avoided. So he _was_ the problem. He just couldn't wrap his head around why.

When Jounouchi said that he couldn't go to the game shop with him today too, he could've _sworn_ Yuugi looked disappointed, and even a little scared? Yuugi agreed and said it was fine, and then he grabbed his puzzle and avoided looking at him in the eye. He had been saying that he couldn't make it the past three days. He knew he was being a shitty friend, so he could see why Yuugi would be disappointed, but why did he look afraid?

He couldn't continue to avoid him forever, he knew. He'd eventually have to talk to him. He wasn't sure if he could bring up his little problem up though. What would Yuugi say about it? Could this possibly ruin their friendship? Even worse, could it ruin what they had with Honda and Anzu too, since their group is so close to with each other?

Would Yuugi hate him?

Jounouchi shook his head, and laughed at himself. This was _Yuugi_ he was talking about. His best friend wasn't capable of hating anyone. And, even if he did hate Jounouchi, it wouldn't be because he had a crush on him.

...Did Jounouchi really have a crush on him, though? Was he sure of that? Not really. He'd like to deny the possibility of liking Yuugi, but it's becoming more and more obvious as the days go by, that yes, he would like something more in their relationship.

He hadn't ever really _liked_ someone, not in a way where he'd want to have something more than friends with benefits. Yuugi wasn't a friends-with-benefits person though, not to Jounouchi. He was in deep.

What was he going to do about this?

What he was going to do about this, Jounouchi decided, was to man up and tell him about what's going on. He was going to have to be honest, because otherwise, Yuugi could be really pissed at him for evading him the last two weeks or so. He was a tiny bit nervous, but that wasn't going to stop him.

Well, he felt a lot more nervous when he was in front of the game shop. It was the weekend, so he could just leave and maybe try again later.

Jounouchi shook his head at the thought, that isn't how a man would do it. He can't run away from this, he's not a coward.

He tried to quietly enter the little store, but the bell tied on the door chimed when he came in, alerting Sugoroku that he was here. Good, Jounouchi thought, Yuugi wasn't here. He wouldn't know what to do if he didn't even have a little time to prepare himself (ignoring the fact that he's been trying to prepare himself for the last week).

Sugoroku's face brightened when he saw a friend of Yuugi's come in. He waved at him and then picked up some boxes.

"Hello, Jounouchi. Yuugi's in his room, if you're looking for him." He said while putting colorful boxes on top of shelves.

"Ah. Thanks, gramps." He hadn't really acquainted himself yet with Yuugi's family, so he felt unapt whenever he'd come over and he'd be treated so kindly by them.

Jounouchi made his way into their house, quickly making it up to Yuugi's room. He stopped in front of the door. It was too late to back down, so he took a deep breath and knocked on the bedroom door. He could hear Yuugi say "Come in!", but he quickly answered it himself regardless.

"Jii-chan, you don't have to knock every time you want to— Jounouchi-kun? What are you doing here?" Yuugi looked like he wasn't expecting him at all— and he wasn't. Jounouchi once again felt guilty.

"I gotta talk to you," He said, and the atmosphere suddenly felt thicker than it did two minutes ago. How was he even supposed to start this? Jounouchi gulped.

Yuugi opened the door wider, and the other stepped in. He still stood by the door while Yuugi went to sit on his bed. He patiently waited for Jounouchi to start talking.

Despite how calm Yuugi was trying to stay, he was still really apprehensive. What did Jounouchi have to say to him? Was he really going to tell him that they had to stop being friends? That's what he was suspecting, at least, even if it did seem far fetched because there was no reasoning behind it. He didn't know, but he tried to keep his hands from shaking. He was too anxious to keep even the most ridiculous thoughts out of his head. Nothing could soothe his nerves at the moment except for Jounouchi's words.

"I don't really know how to, uh, say it in a nice way?" Jounouchi sounded unsure. He looked everywhere in the room, everywhere that wasn't Yuugi.

Yuugi's stomach sank with dread. Was this really happening?

"...I like you," Jounouchi finally blurted out, after a long minute of awkward silence. He still won't look at Yuugi.

"What?" Yuugi was extremely confused. That wasn't what he was expecting at all.

"Jounouchi-kun, I like you too, but what—"

"No, Yuugi, I _like_ you," Jounouchi interrupted. It took a minute for it to sink in.

" _Oh_." Is all he said, and it hurt to hear. Maybe he shouldn't have said anything. Was this really going to be something he'll end up regretting?

"You never told me you liked guys," He added after a beat. Yuugi didn't know what else to say, honestly. He was too surprised to think of anything else at the moment. He was readying himself for Jounouchi to end their friendship, not for him to confess...anything.

"I don't," Jounouchi said a little too fast, he was wound up tight. This was nerve wracking for him.

"I don't like guys, I just like you," Jounouchi really couldn't believe he had to say it twice out loud, _to Yuugi_ , in a day. He had a hard time just accepting it himself.

"That's why I've been avoiding you…" He continued, finally finding a way to voice his thoughts, "I know it was a shit move on my part, but I thought it would go away if I did. I didn't want to ruin what we had because of something stupid I was feeling. I didn't want you to think I was disgusting, or something, for liking you. But it wouldn't go away." Jounouchi didn't know what else to do, but when Yuugi hadn't initially said anything and then suddenly started to laugh, he felt insulted.

"Hey, it's not fucking funny!" Irritation bubbled up inside him. Yuugi might be his best friend, but he wasn't about to get laughed at over his feelings.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I'm not laughing at you, I swear! I'm just so relieved, I thought you were starting to hate me," Yuugi's laughter died down, his voice a lot more quieter now. Jounouchi walked over to him.

"Hey, what? Why would I hate you?" He sounded surprised as he sat on the bed.

"Well when I noticed you wouldn't talk to me, I thought...maybe he's starting to hate me because of Death-T. Maybe he hates me because of everything else I've put him through, all the fights he's had to be in because of me. And that you were trying to avoid me so you didn't have to face me anymore." Yuugi squeezed his puzzle with both hands, something he did when he was anxious or sad. He could feel tears starting to blur his vision, and he tried his best to blink them away. He wasn't willing to cry in front of Jounouchi now, even if he had before.

"Look at me," Yuugi did, and Jounouchi grabbed him by the shoulders.

"Yuugi, Death-T wasn't your fault. Nothing that ever happened to you has been your fault. Kaiba won't leave you the fuck alone. The motherfucker is _obsessed_ with you. People like taking advantage of kind people. No one forced me to help you, I want to help you. I want to be there for you, Yuugi. I would never blame any of that's happened to us _on you_. None of us do." He pulled Yuugi into a hug.

"Man, I expected you to hate me after I told you, not have you think that we'd stop being friends over something you can't control." Yuugi hugged him tightly.

"Jounouchi-kun...I could never hate you. Did I hate you when you we weren't friends?" Jounouchi didn't immediately reply. Jounouchi felt a pang of guilt stab his chest at hearing him say that. _No, but you should've_ , he thought.

He has a feeling this conversation might go in a direction he'd been wanting to forget for a while..

"..No," He answered after a bit, knowing that trying to hate himself over it now wasn't going to do anything.  
"Then why would I hate you because you told me the truth?" He didn't look up at Jounouchi, who sighed as relief washed over him when he finally processed Yuugi's words.

"Besides, I never said anything about not liking you back," Yuugi pulled away from the hug to kiss Jounouchi on the lips. He smiled. Jounouchi blushed.

"But I-I thought you liked girls?! That's why I didn't even want to tell you in the first place!" Jounouchi sputtered. He honestly wasn't expecting getting anything out of this and _this_ was really surprising.

" _You_ thought I only liked girls. I never said anything about that," Yuugi pointed out. It was funny and surprising to see Jounouchi flustered. It was usually the other way around.

"What about Anzu?" Jounouchi asked. Yuugi shook his head.  
"I did like her, but Anzu-chan's not interested in me," Yuugi said. So, he knew. He was wondering when Yuugi was finally going to notice that.  
Jounouchi never really found the topic of sexuality comfortable, he just assumed everyone was straight. It's why he never bothered asking. He had never really met a gay person either, not that he knew of. Jounouchi now realized so many people could be feeling like how he is at the moment, trying to keep secrets so they wouldn't be shunned. He was fortunate enough to have someone like Yuugi.

"Okay, from now on, no more secrets." He shyly kissed Yuugi's nose.

"No more secrets, I promise." Yuugi said happily. He smiled wide before pulling Jounouchi in for another kiss.


End file.
